What a fun filled afternoon at the pool! First Henry had a poo in the pool and in his attempts to flee the scene and distance himself from the evidence of his antisocial behaviour, he succeeded in leaving a little guilty trail of unpleasantness across the poolside tiles. As I desperately tried to fish it all out of the pool with my hands, while chasing several merrily bobbing peas around before they floated towards our fellow swimmers, I managed to indecently expose myself as my bikini top went regrettably astray. Having eventually cleaned up our embarrassing mess and furthermore restored myself to some sort of decency as our neighbours looked on, Henry came over to me, waving a brightly coloured, wrapped up tampon he had found in my bag asking “Mummy can I have this sweet?”
It’s so nice to know we can conduct ourselves with such appropriateness and decorum in any social situation.